Flat.

Flatness...what emotions are associated with it? I don't really know. What I do know is it is in the same class of feelings as  empty and numb.

I just can't really feel anything but flat. It is a feeling devoid of joy or anything positive, but it is also nothing really negative either. The best I can describe it is I feel like a robot, I am on automatic and simply going through the motions.

I have been making cards and bows today, but still it is robotic, no joy, no excitement, just going through the motions. I am pleased that My friend Laura has put in the hard yards getting things started for our on-line business, but I'm frustrated I don't live closer to go and help her. Still residual feeling: flat.

Jamie has spent the weekend looking after the kids, and I feel guilty for this, because I really want to be able to enjoy time with them. The thing is I need order, I need plans, I need itineraries (thanks dad!!) and the one thing that Jamie and the kids don't do is order, plans and structure. Somehow we are going to have to find the happy medium, but I don't really know where to start.

I spent most of yesterday in bed, and had an afternoon sleep today too. My head just feels so muddled and jumbled and I am not coping well with the whole flatness thing. It is boring, it is exhausting and it is alien.

bleargh.