Weekends. They are supposed to be the highlight of everyones week. For me, they are living hell. I get worked up on a friday evening knowing that my week of structure, control, boxes, organisation are about to be crushed and crumbled and tossed aside.


The thing is, during the week, the kids are at kindy, and I have a basic mental plan that I follow during the week. It is only determined by my actions and everything mostly goes to plan (unless I am triggered at some point.)


The weekend is determined by the kids. what mood they are in, how they chose to behave, and if it is possible for them to cooperate long enough to get clothes on. Also depends on my mood and if my hubby is in his typical "it's a weekend, I'm bored" mood (yeah I know you don't believe it exists but it does so there).


The plan was to go and have fun at sea world, get some fish and chips and maybe monster prawns for dinner. Instead what has happened was WW3 erupted and we ended up staying at home. I am bored and unmotivated, can't do any art work as I am uninspired and CBF'd. So that is that really.
To brighten a very boring post, as I have been rearranging my craft room for the squillionth time, I found this that I had copied down whilst in hospital:

My declaration of self-esteem.

I am me.

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. There are people who have some parts like me but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it.

I own everything about me- my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all my thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they might be -- anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth and all the words that come out of it -- polite, sweet and rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud and soft; all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, and all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so, I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.

I know that there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.

When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me and therefore I can engineer me. I am me and...

                                   I am ok.    By Virginia Satir.