Negative to positive...maybe physics doesn't suck as much as I thought!

Today I had one foot in the black hole, waiting and wanting it to swallow me whole.

I was triggered, after being in a triggered state already. Someone unknowingly described so  beautifully something to me. It was like offering me a glass of wine and a box of chocolates. It gave me the taste, the need, the want.
It came on so strongly and so quickly it took me by surprise. I wanted it soooooo badly that I just had to run and try to get the feeling.
I was lucky that I went to a place where 2 very good friends were there to bring me down, to ground me and help me. To stop me from acting on my urge. They kept me safe, and I thank them dearly for it. Thank them for the hugs, the hand holding, the mindless conversations.

Thank you to Heidi for a well timed lovely text message too, which made me feel important and human.

They pointed out to me that I have come a very long way since January, as previously I would have acted without a thought, ending up in a mess on the floor where I used to think I belonged.
Without really knowing it I identified my urge before it became a need and therefore in of my control. I stopped. I stop-think-goed without realising it. I have made such a huge progress and I deserve to feel proud about it, I kind of want to jump up and down and shout it from the roof.

I have Jamie at home with me making sure I stay safe, I have a huge supply of chocolate which always makes me feel better after a panic attack. I am watching Peep show which is so bloody hilarious, doesn't seem to matter how many times you watch it.

To the person that unknowingly triggered me, I would like to thank you and give you a huge hug, because you have made me realise just how far I have come.

Once again I am out of the black hole and heading back to my milky way.