Building self esteem.

Had an absolutely shit evening on wednesday, which followed into thursday thanks to DBT. A new topic always seems to generate new things from the dark and twisty vaults of hell that is my brain.
My brain/ body's way of coping with this is to take the easy path and that is to use all my bad habits to avoid the hidden thing, instead of working hard and doing the right stuff.
So I OCD'd and I did some other bad stuff, but rather than dwell on the black, bleak nasty stuff I have made the decision to put in the hard yards and really start concentrating on applying my DBT skills at all times.
We are doing interpersonal skills/ relationships. I am finding it hard, and it turns out you actually have to like yourself if you want to have functioning grown up relationships with people. We had to choose one of the 11 basic human rights to work on this week. I chose 2: The right to be treated with respect (which is me learning to treat myself with respect) and 11: the right to feel good about yourself.

It occurred to me that the more I harm myself, the worse I am going to look, the less I am going to like myself. It will get harder and harder to explain the scars away to my children. I will in the future get tattoos to cover them but it needs to stop, so I need to get off my fat arse and work.

I am using an Angel book my good friend lent me for affirmations/ angels to help me through the day. I am also looking after myself by not self-harming with food. I am watching what I eat and trying to make the right choices.

My angel advice for the day is "Forgive yourself" it says..."I am much too hard on myself...I believe that perfection is a requirement of being valued, yet you're entirely loveable as you stumble, learn, grow and move on. That is why the most important acts of forgiveness are the ones  i direct inwards. when I learn to lovingly embrace every part of myself, the spark within me beams as brightly as a searchlight, healing and attracting others who benefit from my warmth and wisdom..." (Doreen Virtue)

Let me see if I can make it through the whole week liking myself...

Thanks for reading xx