Ups and Downs

I woke up yesterday feeling bad, so bad all I could think about were the dark and twisty things I wanted to do to myself. There was no obvious trigger for this, although I had slept very poorly thanks to my hubby who left me sleeping on the floor in Ronny's room.

Friday is a day where me and a couple of friends get together and do crafty things which usually involves us sitting at a table buried under paper, wool, scissors, and miscellaneous pretty things whilst eating chocolate, cheese balls and talking. No expectations on how we are supposed to act, we can just simply be.
I was feeling so bad that I wanted to not go to craft friday and had a plan of doing lots of dark and twisty things to myself. I knew what I was going to do and I craved it, but I had let my friend down once this week already, I felt I couldn't do it again so along I went feeling all fucked up.
By the time I got there I was feeling really bad, but after a chat over coffee and a nicotine fix my friend took me to all these amazing craft shops selling handmade items. I was in awe, I was in love, I was in creative overload.
One shop I went into, the shop owner fell in love with my scarf and asked if I was interested in making them and selling them in her shop. I said yes and am now a commissioned artist for this store making scarves, blankets and tea-cosies!! all hand knitted and crochet-ed. I am excited. Who would have thought that the concept of knitting and crocheting tea cosies would be enough to stop all thoughts of self-harm and doom and gloom!

Today has been a bit down, don't really know why. I have been very sleepy and have had a lot of sleep time today. It has been a struggle, but I don't know why but I do seem to have got through it.

We  (my crafty friend and I) are in the early stages of setting up an online store to sell our arty goods too, my sometimes lovely husband has done all the IT stuff to make it possible and now we are doing all the frilly bits to make it look like somewhere you'd like to buy stuff from. I am going to start a craft blog in the coming weeks too.

Thanks for reading. xxxxx