Sunday, 26 June 2011

dissociation and amnesia.

This morning I am experiencing short term memory loss. It is frightening. I honestly can not remember basic things that I should know. Things like where I have put things, or putting things in completely the wrong place, have I taken my medication? and the list goes on...I find myself in a room going round in circles trying to remember what I was looking for or why I even came into that particular room. I hate my Brain.

Tomorrow I finally get to see my neurologist to find out what is causing the abnormal brain activity in my right frontal lobe, I hope I get some kind of answer and not just another long list of tests I have to have. At least I know it is not a brain tumour as I had an MRI a few weeks ago.

My arm is starting to hurt, which means my burns are getting infected so I am going to have to clean them out and dress them and start the healing process. I really wish I could give up smoking to remove that option as a method of self-punishment, however I can't it is my one "crutch" that helps me get through the day. And I do believe that my brain would devise another evil form of self punishment if that  one was removed.

I feel partially dissociated most of the time. It is an odd feeling, it is kind of like in star trek when they get beamed up. As they are being beamed up they are all pixellated, and that is how it feels. That and spending hours of the day staring into space and not being in the present.

Oh the joys of being a mentalist.

Thanks for reading my rather uninspired post xx

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