Self-esteem, Self- worth, Self-Respect: The Bill of Basic human rights

• The Bill of basic human rights are:

• The right to act in ways that promote your dignity and self respect (as long as others rights are not violated in the process:

I really don't know how I CAN promote my dignity and self respect when I have no self respect. I think I have the power to stand up to someone if they started to tease me (or any of my friends) about my mental state of mind. Self respect means that you respect (duh) yourself and love what you see. I can see that it will always be an uphill battle for me, because I have had a life time of self- hatred and I disrespect myself and my body.

• The right to be treated with respect:

To be treated with respect, you have to have respect for yourself. I am the master of deflecting peoples respect and putting a twist on it because my core-beliefs tell me I am worthless and useless so why would anyone want to show me any respect.

• The right to say no and not feel guilty:

I am hopeless at this. I feel guilty saying no to anyone. This is always my downfall and usually an indication that my condition will deteriorate and I have self-harm thoughts. It has got me into a situation where I was being emotionally manipulated, and yet as much as I realised this, it took me a long time to turn around to this person and say "NO" enough is enough. 

I also have a deep rooted fear that if I do say no to someone, i am going to be hated and ridiculed. It gives me the worst feeling of guilt, the kind that makes you sick to your stomach.

• The right to experience and express your feelings:

When I looked at this one in DBT I thought that it was something I couldn't do. But sitting here in front of the computer, I realise that this is what my blog allows me to do. I experience my many feelings and emotions and then am able to sit and express them through this blog. Progress for me YAY!!

• The right to take time to slow down and think:

This is something that I will not let myself do. If I sit down and take time to think about things or think things through I end up making things a bigger/ worse deal than it really is, or I will talk myself out of something, or I put myself down. Slowing down is not permissible in my life, it has dangerous consequences.

• The right to change your mind:

This is something I am getting better at. As I get more in touch with what I can and can't do with my mental illness I am able to judge when I am able to go out into the big real world and when I can't.

There are still sometimes when the guilt gets the better of me and I can't change my mind as much as I really know I should. (again fear of ridicule and rejection)

• The right to ask for what you want:
  
  
• I can do this most of the time, I'm just not very good at verbalising it. Also it is annoying when you want something; for example, a set of 120 prisma color pencils.  You ask very nicely, flutter your eyelashes and use your sexy voice, justify the need, for someone (eg) your husband to turn around and say no. I feel that that was a pretty big infringement on my right to ask for what I want...and get!!!

• The right to do less than you are humanly capable of doing:

I feel like I do this all of the time, but I am sure that it is not true. Not really sure I actually understand this one!

• The right to ask for information:

I like to think I am pretty good at this one. I have always believed that it is important to keep informed about things, and have a knowledge of medication, treatments and  tests you have to have.  Sometimes I feel intimidated asking it, but I understand the need to understand is more important that the fear of asking a stupid question.

• The right to make mistakes:

Mistakes do not compute in my brain. It is not permissible for me to make a mistake ever. If I make a mistake I consider myself a failure and punish myself accordingly. I try and relax this, but it is one of my rotten core beliefs that Mistakes= failure = punishment.

• The right to feel good about yourself:

Yeah right! A life time of self hatred and zero self esteem make it impossible for me to feel good about myself.

I am still on a roll of being comfortably OK, still ok about the party on sunday, feeling in control, hoping to stay that way. It is nice to be in a mental headspace where I feel ok and that I don't want or need to hurt myself, to punish myself.

Oh and I baked a cake and it looks ok, but lets see when it has cooled down and I remove it from the tin!!

Thank you for reading.xxxx